Wedding jokes

The following are a range of jokes related to marriage, weddings, and for use in speeches. They're mostly related to "you know what".

Marriage Jokes
Some Jokes for the Bride

Best man/Wedding jokes/Telegrams

From: ollis@redbck.stl.dec.com (Stephen Ollis)
(some original, most collected by johnd@physiol.su.oz)

• The wedding night should be like a good chicken meal -
  - a little bit of breast
  - a little bit of leg
  ..... and a lot of stuffing !!!
   
• Forecast for Wedding...
  
  Expected development of Warm front, with extreme turbulence and moisture in lower regions.
  Good possibility of six inches overnight. Sun(son)is expected later on.
  
•  Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population.
  
• Sorry I cannot be at the Wedding... Please send me a photo of Bride and Groom Mounted.
  
• Don't keep him in the dog house too often or he might give his bone to the woman next door.
  
• Treat him like a flower... grab him by the stalk.
  
• Please remember that Brandy makes you Randy, Whisky makes you Frisky, but its a good stiff Johnny Walker that makes you Pregnant.
  
• Don't Spring on the Inner-Spring this Spring or there will be an Off-Spring next Spring.
  
• Confucious say man who sink into woman's arms soon have arms in woman's sink.
  
• Remember Pearl Harbour... Have fun before the nips come.
  
• A honeymoon should be like a table...Four bare legs and no drawers.
  
• "I was engaged myself once. To a contortionist. But she broke it off."
  
• Go west young man, get up the Darling as far as you can.
  
• And the story of the man who called his son Vendetta, because he always had it in for him...
  
• "The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it."
  
• Congratulations and best wishes on this very special day.
  Love
  Bill and Mary Farkin and the whole farkin family.
  
• The groom, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, "I've found a woman just like mother!" His father replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
  
• Your TV viewing on your wedding night will be...
  Firstly, The Marriage Game,
  Followed by, Great Temptation,
  The Untouchables,
  Mission Impossible,
  The Time is Right,
  Rawhide and Bonanza.
  
• Two passing ships making matrimonial knots while fouled
  in each others stern line, recommended inter between course
  69 STOP
  Happy voyage, bottoms up.
  
• Advice to submariners - if torpedo overheats, load tube, go deep and eject.
  
• May the Blue bird of happiness crap all over your wedding cake.
  
• Confucious say wife for life is better than wife for strife.
  
• Don't be too liberal at the country party or you'll wind up in Labor.
  
• She offered her honour, He honoured her offer, and all night he was on her and off her.
  
• Be sure to tie your nightie to your toes, 'cos you know where the wild goose goes.
  
• Sorry I can't make your wedding, I'm half full under the table.
  
• * From the Redan (whatever) Football Club -
  We found he was useless in any position, hope you have more luck.
  
• Dear {bride},
  Isn't it funny how history repeats itself?
  {Age of bride} years ago your mum and dad were putting you
  to bed with a dummy - and now it's happening all over again!